Wednesday, October 22, 2008

First off

I'm not angry at the child. I'm angry at the whole situation. I'm angry at her father for not putting the family first. Trying to mend things instead of doing nothing and watching as things never improve. Why do I not have any pictures of her, because she doesn't come around. If you go back 3 years to 8 years ago, I have tons of pictures of her that I took myself. I have her in several of my scrapbooks. Why, because she is a part of my life, rather it be directly or indirectly. It saddens me and hurts me to no end. I'm sorry if you think I was coming down on her. I just wanted to continue to have a relationship with her and I wanted her to give her brother a chance. Am I perfect? Heck no, but who is? I didn't throw my dirty laundry out there. I was venting because of an incident that occured Sunday and I have been upset every since. She was attacking her father through me. When I said that even 13 year oldscan be hurtful to, I meant that even though she is only 13, she has a huge impact on my life and I can be hurt by a young kid that I do truly care about. I feel like I'm the one that does care about this. I don't dislike her mom. I always thought she was a very good mother and I have even taken up for her to both Charlie and her daughter. I know her life consist of many challenges and I actually envy her for being able to take on so much and still function. I certainly don't know if I could. So with all of that said, I was trying to say that I would like to find a way to get on good terms with Charlie's daughter and have her let Carson in on her life. I'm still praying for a happy ending. I hope everyone understands that I'm just wanting to make things work out and not get any worse.

So maybe I didn't use good choice words. I was simply trying to reach out to what I thought were my friends in the blogging community and maybe look for some advice. I came from a broken home and I do understand the ups and downs of parents. But I think that is why I love her that much more. I saw some of my dad's girlfriend's jealous that he had us on the weekends which was suppose to be time for them. I never tried to come in between Charlie and his daughter. If anything I would fight harder for her.

Believe it or not, I really want nothing more for her and I to have a relationship and I would be tickled pink if she would give us a chance. People can change. I have truly seen that first hand. Charlie and I did argue a lot but we have worked really hard to fix that. Do we still argue? Yes, but not like we used to . I'm just looking for the happy ending and would like for the two in question who feel offended or insulted know that I have done good things for her and I wish they could look past Charlie and I mistakes and move forward with us. I don't know what the future holds for Charlie or I but bottom line is I'm still the mother of his son.

Since my intentions were not to insult the child, I will take that post off of my blog. It wasn't meant to be a bash. I will apologize if that is how some people felt. I'm just looking for an outlet to have some peace between us.

That is my birthday wish!


Shari said...

I do not know the whole situation, but my heart breaks for everyone involved! I pray things will work out and everyone will be at peace.

Kaden and Angel Ava's mommy said...

I didn't read the last post you are talking about, but I feel like I know you (although it's only through the blogs and e-mail) and I feel that you would not do anything that was intentionally mean spirited. I am sure things will work out in the end, saying that you seem to want that really bad. I really hope so.

As for the arguing thing...who doesn't argue??? Especially with all of the stressors you have in your life, it makes it kind of difficult to not get tired or irritated...I know that is totally me sometimes. Thinking of you and hoping your week goes better and things get resolved.

Kyle, Aimee and Ava said...

Ok... so I read the other post and honestly, it seemed more out of frustration to me then mean spirited.

Like Amy said above, who doesn't argue. We all argue. It's part of what makes the world go round and round.

I have a couple of ideas for you but I haven't had a chance to email them yet. I don't know if you know this or not but I am back in school doing psychology so I can be a therapist someday.

Oh... I am wondering if you got my e-card and hoping that you had a great birthday!

Pam said...

Wow...I came here to wish you a Happy Birthday, but I don't know what to say.

I have taken things off of my blog after a long vent too, and I know how you feel.

Kaci, you are amazing. I know words hurt when people are mean to you, but know that those that are mean don't even have any business being your friend anyways. I can imagine how hard it is for you with Charlie's daughter.

We go through challenges every day with Andy not being Dakota's father. So I feel your pain. I really do. It's so hard for everyone involved. For me I am on the end where it just kills me when Dakota gets angry and yells at me that he wishes I would have never married Andy. I know, he is 13, and a teenager and trying to find his place in the world.

You just don't know what to do to make everything right. Andy and I argue. Heck tonight he was ticked at me and I just came into the office and let him do his thing until he cooled down.

Things happen, you get frustrated, and it's YOUR blog so YOU type what you want to and to hell with everyone else and their crap that they say. RIGHT!?!?!?

Anyways, love you sister, and I hope you had a good Birthday.


denise said...

Hope you had a Happy Birthday despite the situations going on in your are a good friend and a good person....those who really know you are glad to be your me!

Rachel said...


I completely see what your intentions were. Not to hurt a child! But to let one know that you care for her and want her a part of yours and your sons life. That is not a bad thing.

I've told you before, and I'll tell it again, I've been there done that. I love my step daughter to death. And even though here dad and I are apart, I still do for her, out of love.

I see where you were going with your message, and see where you are going now. I hope one day it will all be ok.

Kids will be kids. That is a fact. They do grow up and sometimes, the do expand their hearts. I, myself am from a regular family. Married parents for over 40 yrs, I am the only one in the family that has ever gotten divorced. It is hard on everyone.

As for this weekend....send me your email address and I will give you my number. I only have Lanie this weekend, so I'd love to get together.

my email is

Love ya girl!!!


Carey said...

What! How did I miss one of your posts? I can't imagine you would be mean or hurtful to a child though, I'm sure it was misunderstood. I've said lots of things via my writing that has been twisted and turned around. Then I end up freaking out about it, and stewing for days. I always worry way too much about what others think of me. It's crazy, I know. I hope you can not worry as much as me. I think you're great, ... and one more thing, Happy Birthday!

Wendy said...

This is what happens when I get busy and let my blog-life slide. I missed the originally aired post. Doesn't matter. I will be praying for you and your relationship with Charlie's daughter. I commend you for your intensity of desire to stay involved. Hope you had a happy birthday.